


Becoming

by FemaleSpock



Series: Monsterverse [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Nightmares, Other, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 19:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2663675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FemaleSpock/pseuds/FemaleSpock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The battle is over and Laura is left to deal with what has been done in her name. Sequel to 'Monsters (The Things We Do for Love).'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Becoming

You go back to your room once it’s all over. You don't have anywhere else to go. 

 

Danny’s gone, the Dean’s gone, the Hungry Light is gone and Carmilla is…absent. You’re the one who is left behind – back to class, to normal life at Silas (not that you ever really experienced that to begin with). The notion of a normal college experience had evaporated when Betty had gone missing, never to return. 

 

Betty’s gone too, really gone, do what good did all the crusading do? You never got to save anyone, not even yourself. 

 

When it becomes clear that Carmilla isn’t coming back the new Dean, some poor sucker they drafted in to clean up all the mess left behind after the final showdown, assigns you a new roommate.

 

The new girl seems perfectly nice but you have no need for nice now. You’ve become the roommate from hell, you realise that, but you can’t stop. You leave your things everywhere and when she tries to politely raise it with you, you nod and pretend to understand but you don’t do anything about it. You don't speak to her except in grunts and shrugs so she stops trying to talk to you. It's for the best really. 

 

You don’t mean to wake her every night with the screaming from your nightmares but you do.

 

You tell yourself that the dreams don’t mean anything anymore but that doesn’t stop them from filling your head with blood and light and the girl in the white dress, Ell. You look for the black cat but she…it’s not there. It’s never there. You don’t like waking up to see this other girl sleeping in her bed – you'd even prefer see the bed empty than see this imposter in her place every morning.

 

The new roomie stays for a couple of weeks before she transfers out (for real this time, no bullshit note from the University). She apologises awkwardly, telling you that she’s found somewhere else to live, like you actually give a damn.

 

They send you another roommate and when that doesn’t work out, they send you another. They don’t send anymore after that but they do send a message offering her access to the Universities’ counselling service. You throw the note away. That night in your dreams  _you're_ the cat. 

 

You drop out of English Lit; you can’t stand to see the empty space where Danny should have been. Besides, you never did finish that paper.

 

Your grades have taken a nose dive in general and you’re stuck trying to sort out the mess for the rest of the semester. There’s nothing else to do so you do it. You couldn’t care less about your papers but you put the minimum amount of effort in and they turn out as well as can be expected. They're good enough that you can stay at Silas and isn't that what counts?

 

You wish you could care about the ‘A’ written at the top of your journalism paper in bright red ink but when you see it all you can think about is blood. Carmilla left some behind in the fridge and you keep it for a long time, too long. You find yourself googling whether blood goes off and, to your surprise, it does. So you throw it out finally, pour it down the sink and watch it ooze down the plughole. It’s of no use to anyone now.

 

LaFontaine comes by to hang out sometimes; you watch movies together and don’t talk. They drag Perry over too sometimes and that’s worse because you have to face that part of you that resents that they are still together, returning to the lives they had before any of this ever happened.

 

Mostly, you spend what free time you have obsessively searching for signs – signs that the Dean is back, that it’s happening again. Sometimes you think you find something, you obsess over the patterns for days at a time. You try to pretend you don’t feel oddly deflated when it turns out to be nothing. You look for her too, signs that she might be around, watching. Wherever she is, she’s not leaving a trail. She’s completely disappeared. _Coward._

 

You visit Danny’s grave sometimes and wonder what it is you should do – sometimes you try to talk to her as if the grave marker were your camera but it always feels wrong (you still post the videos but no-one's watching any more). You try to thank her but the words dry up in your mouth and all you can say is ' _fuck you.'_

You never asked her to do this. Perhaps you’re the selfish one for thinking that but it was selfish of _her_ to just leave you here, enjoying the comfort of a cold grave whilst you have to carry on living with the knowledge of what she did for you. The two of them have made you into this, turned you into this epicentre of death and pain and destruction, where you're the only one left unscathed. You never wanted to become this. 

 

You stop yourself from kicking the gravestone.

 

You wish she were here.

**Author's Note:**

> I stole the title for this from an episode of Buffy because I couldn't think of anything I liked better. Also, this is just one of several follow ups I have planned for this series so look out for more to come if you're enjoying it!


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